Marriage. It’s commonly looked upon as a blessing and a curse; just depends on who you’re talking to. If we’re really honest with ourselves, we’ll be able to nod our heads in agreement that marriage isn’t always easy. Perhaps in the beginning years when all is fairly new, but the long haul throws some challenges for sure.
In fact, about half of marriages end in divorce, with many couples still proclaiming love for one another. Sure, there’s love, but there’s more to marriage than love.
At some point before or during marriage, it’s a great idea to educate yourself on some solid relationship advice. It’s an even better idea to do this before your marriage is driving you crazy.
Still, even if it is, there are some tips you can implement into your life that will help save your marriage. Let’s take a look at 7 radical (and not so radical) tips to save your marriage.
1. Honor the commitment
Till death do us part is the commitment made in marriage, though many break the commitment due to marital problems. A commitment means that you stick with it even when it gets tough.
When it comes to marriage and you’d like to save it, commitment to work through whatever issues you’re contending with by both partners is very important. The grass is not always greener on the other side, as many divorcees will tell you they found themselves in the same challenging spot in a subsequent relationship.
If you and your spouse want to save the marriage, make a commitment to repairing and restoring what it is you’ve lost. If you need help, reach out to a couple’s therapist, which leads us into tip #2.
2. Commit to a season of counseling
Relationship experts spend all day, every day listening to couple’s talk about relationship issues. Many times they are hearing the same thing over and over.
- He won’t help around the house or with the kids.
- She is too damn emotional and drives me crazy.
- There’s no intimacy anymore. I feel like we’re roommates.
- His anger and drinking are tearing us apart.
- I just don’t feel anything for her anymore.
The list goes on and on, but essentially many problems that couples face are common. If you really want to save your marriage, commit to a season of counseling with a professional who specializes in relationships. There are valuable tips and tools a therapist can offer you that can help repair and revitalize your marriage.
Your solution may be a simple tweak with your communication skills or style or implementing date nights back into your life. It’s certainly worth the time and money before throwing in the towel.
3. Invest in your marriage
A solid investment will yield solid returns. Have you been investing in your marriage? Quality time? Effort? Money?
There are various ways to invest in a relationship and when you can do so consistently, the relationship is more apt to soar. Take some time to read about relationships that stay on fire. G
ather the experts and watch some of their videos. Attend a marriage retreat. Commit to three to six months of really attending to your marriage with the intent of restoring and revitalizing it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the results.
4. Stop checking out
Oftentimes when a relationship begins to wane, one or both couples “check out”. Maybe they start binge watching Netflix shows, spend countless hours scrolling through Facebook, hit the gym 5 or 6 nights a week, or hang out with friends all the time.
This “exit route” does not serve a relationship well. If you or your partner are checking out on various levels, it’s time to get back on track and put some effort and energy into the marriage once again.
5. Communicate your needs and wants
You’ve probably heard that communication is very important in a relationship and it’s quite true. If you neglect to tell your spouse what you need and want in a relationship, he/she won’t be able to satisfy such.
Begin to sit and discuss openly and honestly what your needs and wants are. Don’t hold anything back. If you require five hugs per day, speak it. If you need an hour of solo time when you get home from work, speak it. If you miss intimacy and romance in the marriage, speak it.
It’s time to put all the cards on the table, so you can be real and raw about issues you’re having. Have authentic heart-to-hearts regularly to begin restoring your marriage.
6. Embrace vulnerability
When you want to get to a deeper level of intimacy in a relationship, vulnerability is required. To be vulnerable means that you open up in complete honesty even though you may be afraid of getting hurt. It means talking about those things you usually keep to yourself because they feel quite personal.
Take physical intimacy for example. If you desire to be intimate more often with your spouse, you must voice this in order to work on this area. It may be tough to speak up because you feel vulnerable, but to resolve the issue, you’ve got to get it out there on the table.
Vulnerability increases intimacy, so if you want to save your marriage, let your guard down and talk about those matters that are dear to your heart. Perhaps those things that have hurt you, your fears, concerns, frustrations, and dreams. You should be able to go to your spouse with the deepest part of you and feel confident that you will receive unconditional love.
7. Commit to giving unconditional love
Conditional love does not sustain a marriage. If you or your spouse puts conditions on giving love, there’s plenty of room for improvement.
Unconditional love means extending love no matter what the condition is. It doesn’t mean that you put up with any kind of abuse, but it does mean that you extend forgiveness and love even when your spouse doesn’t say or do what you think he/she should. It’s communicating things like, “I don’t like when you’re going to be late from work without calling me to let me know. Could you please call and let me know so I can have dinner ready on time?”
It’s also being there for one another through the good times, bad times, challenging times, and times of heartache, fear, depression, and so on. It’s moving closer together through the tough stuff, rather than pulling apart. After all, every relationship has its challenges.
Saving your marriage is possible when both of you commit to doing whatever it takes to get you back on the right track in the relationship.
Sure, there’s an ebb and flow in relationships, and life in general, but there are tips and skills you can learn to help you through those times you feel like surrendering the white flag. Relationships are designed to help you and your spouse grow and evolve.
They are opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, so adopting this perspective alone can certainly help you save your marriage. Take these tips into consideration as you move forward restoring what’s been lost in your marriage.