If you ask 10 men for the reasons they cheat on their partners or spouses, you’re likely to get 10 different reasons. Some won’t even view their extracurricular sexual activity as necessarily cheating, because they define infidelity so loosely. Their partners will most likely disagree.
Why do men cheat? Here are 10 of the most common reasons:
1. Abundance of testosterone
Guys have quite of bit of the hormone testosterone, which contributes to a higher sex drive. Women, on the other hand, do not have much testosterone. Guys actually have 10 times more testosterone than women, which is primarily the reason their sex drive is so much higher.
This is also why the goofy 12 year old who thinks nonstop about playing baseball turns 13 or 14 and starts obsessing on girls and sex. Around the time of puberty, testosterone soars, and so does their sex drive.
Most guys will clearly admit that they love sex. It is very enjoyable to them and they like to have it often. Unfortunately, this gets them into trouble sometimes. If a man has little to no self-control, he may cave when opportunity presents itself or he may not give a rat’s ass about how his partner might feel if he hunts for sexual prey outside of his relationship.
More hormones is not an excuse for infidelity, but this is one reason men have affairs.
2. Every other guy is cheating
First of all, this is a false assumption: Not every other guy is having an affair. Sure, some men in relationships have an affair or two, but certainly that is no excuse for engaging in such behavior. Still, many guys justify their affairs or one night stands for this reason.
They see movie stars and famous athletes cheating on their significant others and somehow think because they are doing it, why not? This isn’t even counting the guys who Skype with naked women from other countries, thinking that it’s no big deal because they’ll never actually meet these women, but if their partners found out about it, I doubt they’d be alright with the behavior.
3. Sex gets boring
In all honesty, some guys cheat mainly because sex with their partners gets very boring or worse, becomes non-existent. Guys like sex, but they love hot, passionate, steamy sex, so if the bedroom scene gets dull or they simply aren’t “getting any”, some guys will certainly look elsewhere.
Have you ever heard this saying?
“If you put a bean in a jar every time you had sex your first year of marriage, and then take beans out in the years thereafter… you never take all the beans out of the jar.” Anonymous
If more guys heard this saying before marriage, they might reconsider marrying. Sure, life gets busy and kids come popping out every couple of years, but a couple needs to discuss how they can keep the fires of romance alive in the bedroom year after year. Sex does not have to get boring or become non-existent.
4. They want out of jail
Many men feel like they are in jail after they get married. Before marriage, they were free as a Stallion to do what they wanted, when they wanted, but after marriage, many men simply feel smothered and jailed, so they will have an affair to feel free.
For those men that have wives that are quite controlling, they are more likely to cheat just to feel some sort of freedom. They get a feeling of excitement and thrill at the thought of “cheating” and they like it.
5. No integrity
Some men go into relationships or marriage with no real intention of staying monogamous. The idea of embracing monogamy is not something he can or will embrace. He will lie straight to your face and not feel an ounce of guilt because he think he deserves to do whatever he wants when it comes to sex.
Some classic narcissistic men fit this role perfectly, unable to keep sacred a vow of fidelity because he’s consumed with his selfish “self”.
There are the men that walk around like insecure little boys who never feel very good about themselves. They feel old and overweight. They are struggling with their identity as a sexually appealing man. They have a hole in the soul that they think sexual relationship will fill.
They will use sex outside of the relationship in order to feed their egos and feel better about themselves.
7. Old wounds
Sometimes a man will cheat because of old trauma or emotional of psychological wounds from childhood that he’s never dealt with. Perhaps he was physically or sexually abused. The pain that he feels from the trauma bears a lot of weight on his psyche, so he self-medicates by having a hit of sex when he can, just like an addict gets a hit of his drug of choice.
He’s escaping reality as often as he can. In so much pain, he may not be able to really make a firm commitment to monogamy.
Some guys cheat because they are simply immature. They don’t “play the tape through” when it comes to having an affair. They can only think of themselves. They think they won’t get caught or if they do, it won’t be a big deal. The idea of severe consequences doesn’t really register in their brains.
They’re immature, like little boys playing hooky from school because it sounds exciting and fun.
Some guys cheat because they are unhappy with their current relationship, but they are afraid to leave for one reason or another. Many guys stay married because of the children, and cheat as a way to feel some sort of relief from their misery.
They may be looking for a way out as well. If they come across a woman who they want for more than just a one night stand, they may end up leaving the current relationship for that gal.
Some guys think that the honeymoon period, or “limerence”, lasts forever. You know the first part of the relationship where hot sex in just about every day? Where passion and excitement is a big part of the relationship? This stage does not last forever, but it can be replaced by a deeper, meaningful emotional intimacy that can stand the test of time.
This is one reason a firm commitment, honesty, and communication is important. When things get dull, it’s not grounds for cheating, but a simple conversation about ways you can keep the fires of romance alive and well.
These are just a few of the reasons men cheat, as there may be a plethora of reasons men feel inclined to gratify their sexual desires outside of a relationship. This is an important topic and ought to be talked about within a relationship more often.
Honest, open communication, along with vulnerability, can help foster emotional intimacy in a partnership, which can certainly help facilitate passionate sex. For struggling men, consider getting a therapist and working through whatever issues are leading you toward infidelity. Change can occur, and monogamous relationships can be beautiful, amazing, and secure.